Today I baby sat two precious babies at Blisdom, a blogging conference at Opryland Hotel. It has been so neat to be surrounded with women who share their creativity and love with each other. I have gotten to witness their friendships and community and stories. As I was talking to one of the mothers I was sitting for, she shared a part of her life story with me. As she shared, tears rolled down my face because my spirit was pouring out the pain I felt for her, for her family. She told me of the little girl she had lost while she was carrying her in her tummy. She had a still birth. As I held her little girl River, I was overwhelmed for the loss of her sibling. As I looked into the eyes of this mother, my spirit swirled up inside my chest, clutched my heart and tugged as hard it could. My pain could not even touch the mother’s pain; it tried to reach it but fell instead. The only response I could rattle my body with was involuntary and it came in the form of salty tears.
I am learning that Motherhood is dangerous. It is scary. It is unpredictable. It can be cruel. It can be heart shattering.
I still want it though.
I still want you.