9 weeks

Baby Blueberry,

I am 9 weeks this week. I feel very bloated and am nervous that I’m already gaining weight which is hard to imagine since I have spent the better part of the week with a stomach bug. It was horrible and such a blur. I called my midwife because Monday I was projectile vomiting and having diarrhea (sorry for the TMI!). I thought it was the worst case of morning sickness but after talking to my midwife she concluded that it was a stomach bug and I would have to come to the hospital the next day for IV fluids if I wasn’t able to keep anything down. I was determined to not go in so I chugged some gatorade and forced myself to sleep so I could keep it down. It worked. I am feeling like a normal human again and so thankful to not feeling completely sick anymore.

Your Dad and I have been talking about whether you will be a girl or boy a lot this week. Daddy says he’s felt a strong sense that you are a girl since the moment we found out we were pregnant with you. It is more difficult for me to say so early. I have always pictured myself with a little girl since I was young so I’m trying to not let that influence my opinion. What will be, will be and I will be overjoyed either way- I already am.

We celebrated Thanksgiving this past week and I so enjoyed the time off work to rest my weary body and celebrate with family. We went to lunch with your Dad’s side of the family at your MeMo’s house. MeMo is what you will call your Dad’s Mom and you will love her! We already told his family at MeMo’s birthday dinner and they were shocked and SO excited! Alli wasn’t there so we told her at Thanksgiving. We all went around the table and said what we were thankful for and when it came to me I said I was thankful for our baby. Alli’s jaw dropped and we all shared in more excitement.

Everyone is surprised by you- you have already created so many smiles, shrieks of excitement, laughter and joy. I can’t imagine how this will multiply when you are actually here.

After lunch, we went to my Mom’s house for a late Thanksgiving gathering. We had already told my Mom, Dad, Whitney and Walker on Mom’s birthday but we hadn’t told my grandparents, aunt or cousin. So, we told them the same way we did at MeMo’s. It turned out that my Mom had slipped it out to my grandparents and Mom wasn’t too happy that Grandma spilt the beans that she already knew. It didn’t really bother me. Allison (my cousin) who is pregnant with your 2nd cousin, Niles was elated! I think she was happy to know someone else in the family was pregnant and that Niles would have a buddy.

Our family hasn’t had any new babies (on my side) in over 21 years. As the “kids” of the family have grown up, our family has grown apart in many ways. My Mom said the other day, that she thinks having two new babies will bring new life and joy to the family and help us pull together again. The cycle of life is painful but full of beauty. You will be part of that beauty.

We are busy decorating the house with Christmas whimsy and soaking in our last Christmas as just the two of us as much as we can. We are so ready for you already, but we are also feeling the cling to spend more time together. When you get here, our world will change and for the better. But until then, we want to soak each other up before we give you our all.

Your Daddy helped me decorate the wreath, I think I’ve trained him well! hehe.
Love you Blueberry. so much.
Mama
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My Side of the Bed

This is what my life consists of as of late. Not pictured: ginger ale.

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Tissues to blow my ever running nose, baby name book that is pretty pointless because we have names chosen but Im scouring through to be sure, pretzels and tums to soothe the nausea that has really kicked into gear this week. Also not pictured: my pubescent face. Acne like 7th grade all over again. I’m highly considering buying Proactive for the first time in 10 years.

Love you baby,
Pregnant Momma

Nausea

Today, I struggled getting out of bed but a sudden urge to throw up made me jump up and run to the bathroom. I have had some major stomach issues today. A calm in the storm made me think it had passed so I drove to work. I walked in the door and ran to the bathroom to only throw up 3 more times, turned around and went home. I cried the whole way home, not knowing why I was crying. Maybe exhaustion but probably my crazy hormones.

I’m beginning to think this is the start of a stomach bug because this is much more intense than just regular morning sickness. Either way, I just want to crawl in a corner and sleep for days.

I might have to drag myself up and visit the doctor to make sure this isn’t more than pregnancy nausea.

But first, I nap!

Love,

Nauseated Momma

8 Weeks

Dear Baby,

Today you are 8 weeks in the making. Everyday, you unfold with new things, like magic. You are magical. The more I learn about what is going on inside of me, the more aware I become of the miracle that you are. Breath taking. 

Your brain is forming neural pathways and developing rapidly. Your arms an legs are sprouting and a teeny-tiny nose and upper lip have appeared. You are just the size of a kidney bean and it is hard to believe, but you are already moving. I can not feel you yet, but I long for the days I get a nudge from your magical little body. Your heart is beating and can be heard by a doppler device. I need to hear it. I’m so ready and at the same time, not ready at all. I know when we hear your tiny heart, it will make it all the more real and life changing.

Every morning before I get out of bed, I check my Pregnancy Iphone Apps. It is my new routine- a way of calming and at the same time exciting me. It makes me feel a little bit more at peace when I know what you are up to and what I can expect from my body. It’s amazing that such a tiny thing like you can make my body do some pretty incredible ( and to be honest, completely ridiculous and annoying) things. So far, I’ve been so darn lucky to not be throwing up every 10 minutes. A wave of nausea might hit now and then but it has not taken over my life (fingers crossed this doesn’t change) like it does with some mamas. I pee all the time. ALL THE TIME. It’s amazing. Just when I think there can not be a tiny drop of liquid left inside of me, you prove me wrong as I make  a mad dash to the nearest toilet to empty another gallon. Ludacris.

 

 

 

So far, I have craved Mac & Cheese. The frozen kind. The kind people bring to Sunday potluck because they were too busy to make a homemade dish. Which is bizarre, because I’m usually not a fan and I can’t remember the last time I have partaken in such an unhealthy side. Besides my strange craving, I have been stuffing my face with insane amounts of healthy things. Kale, spinach, mango, avocado, fresh berries, bananas, chia seeds, flax seed, organic whole grains, organic lean ground turkey, almond milk and gallons of water (hence all the peeing). You are getting the best and just a little bit of the awful frozen mac & cheese.

Every day, your presence in our lives sinks in just a bit deeper but not deep enough to help us really understand the miracle that you are. Such a mystery.

My protective nature as already kicked into gear. Every now and then I get a pretty intense and absolutely frightening cramp in my lower abdomen. Every time, I wrap my arms around you and silently and sometimes audibly repeat this mantra prayer to our maker: “Please keep us safe” until it passes. I love you so very much already, it’s strange. I continue to pray for our safety, because we need each other right now and I’m unsure how to express that feeling in words. I need you, you need me. It is a unique bond just between the two of us, that no one will ever know or feel. Maybe that’s what this motherhood thing is all about at the very core.

Love you,

The very bloated but smiling Mom oxoxo

Hello, Baby

Oh, baby. 

I am filled with joy, overspilling with anticipation and wrestling with fear and caution. You are here, making a home inside of me! It’s true!

I’m pregnant!

I’m bursting at the seams!

Honestly, I still feel like I am in shock and I am unsure if I have fully comprehended that I’m actually pregnant. I took lots of tests and occasionally you’ll remind me with a taste of morning sickness or aversions to smells. I am in awe of it all and I’m trying to soak up everything that is going on inside of me while you set up home.

I have never seen your Daddy-to-be be more smitten. He is so over the moon, it’s almost silly! He is already so quick to comfort, help and treat me like a queen- it is very sweet. I know he will be the best Dad you could ever have and it makes me fall even more for him. You are so, so loved already.

When I found out, it was a perfect fall day. The leaves danced their ways off the trees and crunched under my brown boots. October 21, 2012.

That morning I went to drop your Dad at his truck that he had left overnight in LaVergne and while we were riding together we were talking about our future and we even mentioned that maybe we should consider having a baby in two-three years. Whilst we were talking about this, it dawned on me that I was three days late. This isn’t too abnormal for me but I silently made plans to buy a pregnancy test after I dropped off your Dad. I made a B-line to Walgreens, bought a pregnancy test, drove to my parents and went straight into the bathroom. It shot up in no time and I just stared at myself in the mirror trying to wrap my head around the little pink cross that had formed. I decided to get more proof so hopped right back in my car to buy a clear blue digital test. I bought it at Publix and then had an idea to surprise Mom with the news on her birthday which was in two days. So, I drove to Babies-R-Us, went to the bathroom and took the second test there. Sure enough, the word ‘pregnant’ formed within seconds. I stumbled out of the restroom into a mass of baby things. This was not the best idea- I wandered up and down the aisles, overwhelmed, searching for anything that said “Grandma” to gift to my Mom. Eventually, I had to make it out the doors so I did not end up being a pile in the breast pump isle. I got in my car and checked the test again, just to be sure. I went from smiling, to barely being able to breathe, to laughing. Insanity took over. Awe filled, I sat frozen in the parking lot.

It has taken me several days to write this post. Partly, because I am at a loss for words and partly because I am  exhausted. I work full time as a Preschool Teacher to infants and at times it is overwhelming. When they cry, I want to cry. My emotions have taken over and so has morning sickness. I know every baby’s personality and what makes them happy and I catch myself wondering how you will turn out. I hope you have a lot of your Dad in you.

We have only shared our sweet news with a handful of people. We want to wait until the 12th week to share with the world because that is when we are pretty much in the clear. I told your Dad the same day I found out. I waited until he came home late that night. When we have spoken about you when you were just a glimmer in our eyes, your Dad said the first thing he wanted to do when he found out I was pregnant was to go to Home Depot and buy supplies to build a treehouse for you. It’s his dream Dad job. I logged that in my memory until I needed it and recalled on it that day. I set up the kitchen table with a piece of barnwood, blueprints of tree houses, a hammer and the pregnancy test hid under the note that read “Start building that tree house…Dad!” 

I waited for what seemed centuries for your Dad to get home so I would not be so lonely with my news. I was so anxious. I had my laptop set up to record his reaction- Sooo sneaky. His reaction, which I can’t wait for you to see one day, was amazing! He was so smitten, and shocked and it took him a few moments to process my note. It wasn’t until I told him to look under the note to find the pregnancy test that he understood. He is just so excited.

He calls you blueberry and kisses my tummy every night- bless his heart. He sometimes lays his head on my tummy before we go to sleep as if he might be able to hear or feel or maybe just be closer to you. It’s precious. I can’t help but smile ear to ear each time he does it.

I’m seven weeks pregnant- I found out at just four weeks! You are the size of a blueberry which is what your Dad has already deemed what he wants to call you. You have a heart beat that beats faster than mine, tiny formings of eye lids and little hands and feet that are more like little paddles. It is incredible that when I first found out you were still a tiny ball of cells with no baby like features at all. Your brain is developing and I have been trying to eat (when you permit it to stay down) super nutritious foods to give you the best chance of healthy development. I’ve been juicing kale and apple, eating lots of nuts and dark greens, greek yogurt, steel cut oats and lots and lots of fruit! When I can’t eat that, I nibble on pretzels and sip ginger ale. I drink gallons of water- it is as if I can not get enough! And of course, I’m taking prenatal vitamins daily.

Your Dad and I made a trip to Mckay’s book store to get some books on pregnancy. I am reading the ever so popular (which made it only .15 to buy!) “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” and your Dad chose “The Expectant Father”. We are such typical new, excited parents. I think I caught an eye-roll from the masculine lady that rang up our order. I just had to grin.

Your calculated due date is June 28, 2013 and I have my first appointment with the Vanderbilt Midwives on December 4, 2012. I am so excited and after watching “The Business of being Born” I feel even more confident with my decision to go with a Midwife! The Vanderbilt Midwives are spectacular and I have only heard good things! Only the best for you. 

As I read over my previous blog posts, I am so thankful to have captured my feelings for you before you made your home here. I have felt you tug at me for so long; long before we knew you were real. And now that you are, it seems unbelievable and breath taking. Although you surprised us, completely, it feels so right. Nothing could prepare our hearts for your tiny, tiny being. And although you are just a tiny blueberry of a baby, you have already made huge impacts in our life: our priorities, our joys, our struggles and our present and future. As I have said it before, you are so so loved…already.

Sincerely,

Your excited, anxious and silly MOM.