Baby Showers, Sobbing, and Nesting

Dear London June,

Some time has passed since I last wrote you. My entire pregnancy has flown by, but especially the past few weeks. I am actually 37 weeks pregnant as of yesterday but I want to update on all the ongoings that have been going on.

35 weeks:

I craved BBQ turkey from Whitt’s even though I haven’t been there in like 10 years.

I went to my Midwife appointment and I was measuring right at 35 weeks. She pushed all over my tummy to locate your position and you were still head down. She took your Dad and my hands and pushed them down so we could feel your head! It was so weird. I asked if the bump I always feel above my belly button was your bottom and she confirmed that I was right. Girl, you move that booty all over. One second it will be on my right side and then the next moment it’s all the way over to the left. Workin’ it already. Last night I woke up because my belly felt so tight I thought it might explode- I rubbed my hands all over and woke your Dad to feel because there was a HUGE lump on the left of my stomach. You were sticking that little booty WAY out. Hilarious…and a little alarming. The midwife appointment before this past one, she checked your heart beat we could hear you hiccup the entire time. It was so sweet.

-You are so very active. I LOVE feeling you move and seeing it too but sometimes you are so active it wears me out! So exhausting but so worth it. The other night your Dad was making a birth play list of calm and relaxing music to play while I labor with you in the hospital. We started to play some upbeat Ray Charles and etc and you apparently loved it- I have never felt you move so much, so fast and so crazy! It’s as if you were dancing! We put my phone on top of my stomach and you moved it all over the place. Your Dad was especially amazed and said watching you move in my stomach could never get old. He still loves laying his head on my stomach (it has become VERY uncomfortable for him to do this so I ask him not to put his weight on it) and feeling you kick and move- you still kick him in the ear.

-We had three baby showers and girl, you racked up! Your Aunt Whinnie and your Mum Mum hosted the first one and it was absolutely amazing! We had an English High Tea and so many came out to shower you with things you need. I was amazed by the generosity and the amount of handmade gifts. People are so excited to meet you!

Shower #1 (British High Tea): Your Mum Mum & Aunt Whinnie threw the absolute perfect, dreamy shower.

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Baby Shower #2 (Cute, vintage inspired shower at work)

Ms. Megan, Ruby and Ms. Brenda (Your future preschool teachers!!) photo-98

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Shower #3 (Casual, SO fun shower at my favorite place, Taco Mamacita)

These ladies are your crazy dance aunts. They are over the moon excited about you and I can’t wait for you to meet them and hear them laugh and teach you to love dance and life.

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We feel so very thankful and blessed by so many who have showered us with so much love, support, excitement and goodies for you. It has been so refreshing to see our community uplift us during this time. It truly takes a village! I am so excited for you to meet your community in the many forms it exists.

Now that I am week 37 and full-term, you could come at any moment and that is so very exciting…and nerve-wrecking! I am so anxious for your mysterious arrival- when will decide to come? Will it be while I’m at work or at 3 in the morning? Will my water break in public or will I start labor with contractions? As a slight (ok, full-on) control freak, I’m trying my best to be patient and calm and it’s not always easy. Recently, I have really struggled with feeling overwhelmed and under prepared for your arrival. I was (and sometimes still am) having a difficult time seeing how we are going to afford the extra bills that come with a new human. I was stressed by the messiness of our house- how did it get so out of control recently? And what are we going to do with all this new stuff for you? I also really have been struggling with not so much the fear of actual labor (Hypnobirthing has truly helped with my anxiety with that) but more about the aftermath and recovery of birthing. Earlier this week all of this just crashed down on me at once and I wasn’t capable to sift through all of this emotion at once. Your sweet Daddy wanted to sit down and write out 5 year goal plan. I know he feels under pressure too and this was his way of trying to make us feel more prepared but at the moment he presented this idea, I was already on the verge of tears. Oh boy, did they roll. I wasn’t sure how to organize my current emotions and feelings at that current moment, let alone plan out 5 years of goals. I sobbed.  and sobbed. and sobbed. I sobbed because of all my fears & emotions and then I sobbed because I felt bad that I had ruined your Dad’s sweet attempt to look out for his family. I sobbed because I couldn’t stop sobbing. I sobbed for every reason in the world.  Your Dad disappeared for a bit and then returned and swooped me up to the bathroom where a candle lit bubble bath was awaiting me to the melodies of Norah Jones. He totally knows me. And then, instead of shutting the door and letting me be, he sat on the edge of the tub as I sobbed and rubbed my shoulders and splashed warm water on my back until I calmed down and the tears stopped. Never had I felt more vulnerable. Never did I feel more loved. He didn’t utter a word, he just met me in my vulnerable brokenness. He was present with me. Normally, it would have been easier perhaps for both of us if he had shut the bathroom door and let me deal with it. But because he was willing to sit in my vulnerability with me and I allowed him to love me in that way, we both connected in a much deeper way than ever before. So, my little London, you have brought us together in new ways and deepened our understanding of marriage, commitment and relationship. I have already fallen deeper in love with your Daddy as I watch him transform into a Father. The way he was excited to install your car seat, how he loves to pick out a book of your already vast library to read to you every night (already…its so sweet and you kick and move the whole time he reads), the way he talks about and dreams about you. I can’t wait to see him hold you for the very first time.

I needed that good sobbing session. I was holding onto fears that were both legitimate and silly. This past weekend we accomplished a lot. We went through each room of the house and de-cluttered every cabinet, drawer and crevice and then deep cleaned it all. It took one and a half days and totally kicked both our behinds but now we both feel so much better. You might say that I am in deep nesting mode. My anxiety level has completely lowered quite a bit by making the house welcoming and perfect for when ever you decide to come. We also deep cleaned the car, inside and out and installed your car seat and packed our hospital bags in the trunk. The birth plan is written and ready to go and there is a basket of diapers and wipes in every living space of the house. We are so stinkin’ prepared it’s almost laughable. What I am not emotionally prepared for, we are double prepared for practically. My goal for my life is to live intentionally, but sometimes I take it to the extremes and put far too much pressure on myself and others. I’m always in constant search for middle ground and some type of balance.

You are still my biggest adventure and life lesson.  

Love,

Mom xo

37 weeks

(I still have LOTS to post. Posts coming up: Your nursery, Meaning of your Name, Hypnobirthing and Birth Plan. Hopefully, I can get all of these written and posted before you arrive!)

 

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5 Things you should never say to a Pregnant Lady

This post is sassy and I do not apologize for that.

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I never thought it would be necessary to compile a list of things you shouldn’t say to someone creating life but over the last 8 months it has come to my attention that a large part of the population lacks tact, sensitivity or awareness when it comes to the subject of pregnant bodies. Apparently, any lessons taught about how you are to speak about others physical appearance do not apply once a lady is impregnated. I did not know about this secret- I just assumed it was as off topic as it was to let someone know their face looked really broken out that day or to tell Ms. Mary at church that she looked like she was packing a on a few more doughnuts in her thigh region. But I was wrong. So very wrong. No one gave me the memo until I found myself wearing maternity jeans. When a woman is around 8 months pregnant her appearance and weight is open topic to converse about in public sometimes with exclamation loud enough for everyone to hear. This is usually accompanied by wild hand gestures, tummy poking or rubbing.Image

So because so many think this is what makes pregnant mamas gleam with pride and confidence let me share the 5 things you should never say to a pregnant lady. 

1. “Holy cow! How many are you carrying in there? Are you sure it’s not twins?”
– No I’m not sure, for all I know its a litter of kittens in there or maybe its a litter of baby hippos because apparently I look like a mama hippo to you. Thanks for the pep talk though! Now I feel truly slim, trim and dynamic.
2. “There’s no way you are going to make it to your due date!”
– Oh no! Have I not been notified that your my Dr. or Midwife? You mean that I have been accidentally seeing an unqualified ding bat this entire time? Well, they sure had me convinced with all their medical degrees! Should I drop my panties now and have you examine my cervix?
3. “You need to put a bucket under your legs! or Be careful, that baby is about to fall out in the floor!”
– A bucket? Is that how they deliver babies these days? Do I really look as if I am in active labor? Are you trying to say I look far too big to be walking around in public? Actually, I have at least 5 more weeks until my baby arrives and if she was to drop on the floor right now she would be premature. Thanks for your innovative delivery idea though, dumbass. Stay classy!
4. (For my smaller baby bump friends) “There’s no way you are that far along- you’re barely even showing!”
– Thanks for making me feel insecure about the development of my baby. Is my baby okay? Should I be worried? If I wasn’t already worried enough, I am now!
5. “You are HUGE!!!”
-Sigh. Punch to the throat!
Unfortunately, I’ve heard all these comments and more (even #4 in the earlier months) for what seems like several hundred times. I don’t know what it is to make people think that saying things like this is normal or even okay to say to anyone but especially to women who are already stretching their physical, mental and emotional capacities to the edge.
Guess what?
 We are far more aware about how our bodies have dramatically changed in just a few months than you. In fact, we sometimes find it difficult to even face the mirror some mornings, especially whilst trying to bend over and apply stretch mark lotion to our expanding bellies. Some mornings we try on so many outfits that we end up crying atop the pile of discarded clothes. Most days we struggle with the fact that our bodies will forever be changed and wonder if we will ever get back to the size we once were. We wonder if our husbands and partners still find us attractive and if our stretch marks might send them into the arms of another. We fear that we aren’t doing it right- not eating the right things, not exercising enough, not reading enough parenting books, not resisting that cookie at the potluck. We are inundated with massive amounts of information, health advice, parenting advice, social and cultural expectations, breastfeeding tips, relational changes, job changes, maternity leave, insecurity, emotional stress, lack of sleep, nausea, weight gain and loss, swelling, medical tests, complications with mom and or baby, fear, delivery options, pain management plans, choosing pediatricians, preparing a nursery, budgeting, wondering how are we going to pay the bills, questions- countless questions, childcare, carseats, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, judgement and the list goes on and on.
So before you make a careless comment (even if your intentions are golden and pure) stop and think before you comment about her size and appearance. She is already overwhelmed with not just the physical changes she is going through but with the “big life” stuff too. Ask yourself first if the thing you are about to say will uplift and praise her or only confirm her insecurity and lack of confidence. Remember that you are just one out of 20-30 people she will interact with that day who might (most likely) also comment on her appearance and that you might be the one who her southern sweetness decides to evade her for the moment while she ends up kicking your ass.
Your best bet? Tell her she has never looked more beautiful because she has never needed to hear that more than she does right now. Allow her to actually be proud of the amazing dwelling space her body has accommodated for the new life she is creating. Celebrate the way her body miraculously transforms to create life.
Relentlessly sassy and real,
-the pregnant lady
What are some of the crazy things said to you when you were pregnant?