Baby Showers, Sobbing, and Nesting

Dear London June,

Some time has passed since I last wrote you. My entire pregnancy has flown by, but especially the past few weeks. I am actually 37 weeks pregnant as of yesterday but I want to update on all the ongoings that have been going on.

35 weeks:

I craved BBQ turkey from Whitt’s even though I haven’t been there in like 10 years.

I went to my Midwife appointment and I was measuring right at 35 weeks. She pushed all over my tummy to locate your position and you were still head down. She took your Dad and my hands and pushed them down so we could feel your head! It was so weird. I asked if the bump I always feel above my belly button was your bottom and she confirmed that I was right. Girl, you move that booty all over. One second it will be on my right side and then the next moment it’s all the way over to the left. Workin’ it already. Last night I woke up because my belly felt so tight I thought it might explode- I rubbed my hands all over and woke your Dad to feel because there was a HUGE lump on the left of my stomach. You were sticking that little booty WAY out. Hilarious…and a little alarming. The midwife appointment before this past one, she checked your heart beat we could hear you hiccup the entire time. It was so sweet.

-You are so very active. I LOVE feeling you move and seeing it too but sometimes you are so active it wears me out! So exhausting but so worth it. The other night your Dad was making a birth play list of calm and relaxing music to play while I labor with you in the hospital. We started to play some upbeat Ray Charles and etc and you apparently loved it- I have never felt you move so much, so fast and so crazy! It’s as if you were dancing! We put my phone on top of my stomach and you moved it all over the place. Your Dad was especially amazed and said watching you move in my stomach could never get old. He still loves laying his head on my stomach (it has become VERY uncomfortable for him to do this so I ask him not to put his weight on it) and feeling you kick and move- you still kick him in the ear.

-We had three baby showers and girl, you racked up! Your Aunt Whinnie and your Mum Mum hosted the first one and it was absolutely amazing! We had an English High Tea and so many came out to shower you with things you need. I was amazed by the generosity and the amount of handmade gifts. People are so excited to meet you!

Shower #1 (British High Tea): Your Mum Mum & Aunt Whinnie threw the absolute perfect, dreamy shower.

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Baby Shower #2 (Cute, vintage inspired shower at work)

Ms. Megan, Ruby and Ms. Brenda (Your future preschool teachers!!) photo-98

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Shower #3 (Casual, SO fun shower at my favorite place, Taco Mamacita)

These ladies are your crazy dance aunts. They are over the moon excited about you and I can’t wait for you to meet them and hear them laugh and teach you to love dance and life.

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We feel so very thankful and blessed by so many who have showered us with so much love, support, excitement and goodies for you. It has been so refreshing to see our community uplift us during this time. It truly takes a village! I am so excited for you to meet your community in the many forms it exists.

Now that I am week 37 and full-term, you could come at any moment and that is so very exciting…and nerve-wrecking! I am so anxious for your mysterious arrival- when will decide to come? Will it be while I’m at work or at 3 in the morning? Will my water break in public or will I start labor with contractions? As a slight (ok, full-on) control freak, I’m trying my best to be patient and calm and it’s not always easy. Recently, I have really struggled with feeling overwhelmed and under prepared for your arrival. I was (and sometimes still am) having a difficult time seeing how we are going to afford the extra bills that come with a new human. I was stressed by the messiness of our house- how did it get so out of control recently? And what are we going to do with all this new stuff for you? I also really have been struggling with not so much the fear of actual labor (Hypnobirthing has truly helped with my anxiety with that) but more about the aftermath and recovery of birthing. Earlier this week all of this just crashed down on me at once and I wasn’t capable to sift through all of this emotion at once. Your sweet Daddy wanted to sit down and write out 5 year goal plan. I know he feels under pressure too and this was his way of trying to make us feel more prepared but at the moment he presented this idea, I was already on the verge of tears. Oh boy, did they roll. I wasn’t sure how to organize my current emotions and feelings at that current moment, let alone plan out 5 years of goals. I sobbed.  and sobbed. and sobbed. I sobbed because of all my fears & emotions and then I sobbed because I felt bad that I had ruined your Dad’s sweet attempt to look out for his family. I sobbed because I couldn’t stop sobbing. I sobbed for every reason in the world.  Your Dad disappeared for a bit and then returned and swooped me up to the bathroom where a candle lit bubble bath was awaiting me to the melodies of Norah Jones. He totally knows me. And then, instead of shutting the door and letting me be, he sat on the edge of the tub as I sobbed and rubbed my shoulders and splashed warm water on my back until I calmed down and the tears stopped. Never had I felt more vulnerable. Never did I feel more loved. He didn’t utter a word, he just met me in my vulnerable brokenness. He was present with me. Normally, it would have been easier perhaps for both of us if he had shut the bathroom door and let me deal with it. But because he was willing to sit in my vulnerability with me and I allowed him to love me in that way, we both connected in a much deeper way than ever before. So, my little London, you have brought us together in new ways and deepened our understanding of marriage, commitment and relationship. I have already fallen deeper in love with your Daddy as I watch him transform into a Father. The way he was excited to install your car seat, how he loves to pick out a book of your already vast library to read to you every night (already…its so sweet and you kick and move the whole time he reads), the way he talks about and dreams about you. I can’t wait to see him hold you for the very first time.

I needed that good sobbing session. I was holding onto fears that were both legitimate and silly. This past weekend we accomplished a lot. We went through each room of the house and de-cluttered every cabinet, drawer and crevice and then deep cleaned it all. It took one and a half days and totally kicked both our behinds but now we both feel so much better. You might say that I am in deep nesting mode. My anxiety level has completely lowered quite a bit by making the house welcoming and perfect for when ever you decide to come. We also deep cleaned the car, inside and out and installed your car seat and packed our hospital bags in the trunk. The birth plan is written and ready to go and there is a basket of diapers and wipes in every living space of the house. We are so stinkin’ prepared it’s almost laughable. What I am not emotionally prepared for, we are double prepared for practically. My goal for my life is to live intentionally, but sometimes I take it to the extremes and put far too much pressure on myself and others. I’m always in constant search for middle ground and some type of balance.

You are still my biggest adventure and life lesson.  

Love,

Mom xo

37 weeks

(I still have LOTS to post. Posts coming up: Your nursery, Meaning of your Name, Hypnobirthing and Birth Plan. Hopefully, I can get all of these written and posted before you arrive!)

 

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Dear London June,

That’s correct. You are a London June. A sweet little girl. The fulfillment of my wildest dreams. Everyone seemed to know you were a girl too, especially Daddy. He knew from the very beginning. I have a feeling you will be a daddy’s girl. Ever since I was a little girl and I would play pretend, my babies were always girls. I’ve only ever imagined myself with a little girl and when I got pregnant I tried my best to be unbiased and open my heart to receiving a little boy. By the time it was time to find out what you were, I had convinced myself that you were a boy.

We chose not to find out your sex while having the ultrasound. We wanted to wait so we could share the moment with just the two of us and record our reactions on video. While the ultrasound tech was examining me, she said “..and there’s his little nose…” and I instantly accepted the fact that you were a Finley Monroe and not a London June. I asked your Daddy as we were leaving if he caught her slip up and he did indeed.

But to my great surprise, you were a girl! Joy of joys!!

Seeing you on the ultrasound was holy and wonderful. I felt like I’ve never studied or focused on something more in my life. I was absolutely captivated, blown away and giddy. She told us where everything was located and I could hardly believe it all. She would point out your kidneys and liver and heart which we saw beating at 155 bpm! We even saw your blood flow from the umbilical cord to your heart and it was amazing.

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While she was trying to capture and measure all the necessary pictures you were busily flipping, rolling and kicking up a storm! She even felt a huge kick to the doppler. I think it must have been the cold O.J. I drank before because I really felt you a lot!

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You kept your hands by your sweet little face the entire time- I wonder if you will do that once you are out here with us. You also open and closed your little mouth back and forth the entire time and it took my breath away! We truly got to view a miracle in the making and I wish I could watch you forever in there. You are perfection defined.

After we celebrated the fact that you were a girl, we had a party to throw in your honor! But first, we had to buy your first outfit. Your Dad and I fell in love with a beautiful dusty pink dress decorated with white tree and bunny silhouettes from the Beatrix Potter line at GAP. Your Daddy is especially proud of it and shows a picture of it to all his friends. He’s so smitten over you.

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We came home, finished decorating and filled black balloons with pink confetti inside.

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finley or london

boy or girl

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Once guests arrived, they voted on whether you were a boy or a girl. There was lots more girl votes!

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We gave everyone a balloon and a pin and counted to 3. On 3, everyone popped their balloon and pink confetti flew all over our tiny living room. Shrills and screams of excitement filled the room and everyone celebrated London June. Hugs and kisses were exchanged and joy abounded. It was a blessed evening. Your Mum Mum (my Mom) and your Aunt Winnie (my sister) had presents a ready. There was a boy gift and a girl gift. The girl gift was filled with lace, your first tu-tu, frills and pink. The boy gift was filled with beautiful books which weren’t boyish. They both knew you were London at heart. They are already spoiling you like crazy=

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We recorded it all on video and then posted it on Facebook late that night. Everyone was so thrilled to know you by name and shared so much love and excitement. You have a wonderful community already that cherishes and celebrates you. I hope you learn to cherish the importance of community.

Your Aunt Winnie and I went on a thrifting exploration for you. I think she is my thrifiting good luck charm because she found most of the amazing vintage pieces we bought. They are so London June and so classy and precious. I hate most of the modern baby clothes you find in the stores. Its mostly loud, bright and far too old for itty bitty precious babes like you. Vintage baby clothes are so delicate, soft and unique. I love finding hand embroidered  little animals. Every little girl should be just that, a little girl. No zebra, silly sayings or neon colors for you little baby.

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I have been busy Instagramming and discovered Instagram shops. Mamas from all over the country sell their baby’s used clothing often in excellent condition for very little money. I have been on a rampage that was uncontrollable and they steadily are arriving in the mailbox every day. I had to ban myself from anymore near future purchases because it was out of control girlfriend. You will be the best vintage inspired dressed baby in town and I can hardly stand it! When you start outgrowing your outfits I plan on opening up my own Instagram shop and selling some of your things. (readers can add the shop now @ lovedbylondon and keep track with recent purchases and baby growing updates or follow my personal account @ sydneyarden)

Oh, baby London- how I adore you and your kicks and the joy you already spill into our lives. You’ve given us life molding memories that I can’t wait to share with you while I tuck you into bed. You are just spectacular.

Love you sweet GIRL!

Love,

One over-joyed Mama

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And one smitten Daddy

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